Thursday, 30 January 2014 Blue

This cold.
The chilly weather is completely draining my enthusiasm. 
It hasn't been an easy week. 
Disappointment, has kind of been the emotional cloud hanging over the week. 
Combine that with the odd sense of loneliness I'm still experiencing, its just been peachy.
 Actually, I think the disappointment just served to heighten the loneliness. 

Sorry to be so cheerful, after this time away. 
Contrary to appearances, I'm actually capable of great patience. 
I have waited for hours to have a five-minute conversation, more times than I can remember.  
And that about sums up my patience--if I love you, if I love it, then I can tap into reserves of strength that will make me capable of being patient. 
 However, I have great impatience with myself. But is it really impatience?
I just have this want, for now. 
For it all to be now, and its kind of a pulsing thing in my being, I've always had. 
 And I know. I know this. 
It isn't new; I know what is happening here.
I know why something wanted seems so far away, I know why it isn't coming yet. 

Let's try to throw some logic in this post. 
The loneliness-it is M/s, yes...but its also the curse of the solitary to be apart--Bleuame, you said logic--right, sorry... 
So in other words, the loneliness hasn't eased. 
Heartfelt thanks to my friends in Blogland, your comments and messages, seriously helped. 

So in the midst of disappointment and loneliness, what do you do? 
Get on with it. 
Throw myself into work, his work. 
Because his what matters to me, most. 
His success brings us the adventures that stir my spirit. 
Run around like a madwoman, event-planning (wonder why I never went to school for something I could use in life) and crossed-fingers, hoping the entertainment decides to show up (long story). on the book. 

Had to rewrite an entire chapter, but it's a good thing. 
I might be able to play way outside of the genre, and I can call it all kinds of things, creating sub-genre soup, but in the end, its still a romance book. 
A romance book needs a Happily Ever After Ending. 
And they, apparently aren't my strong suit. 
All next week (you know, if the Hovel isn't hit with sickness, if I'm not frozen completely solid and disappointment and loneliness hasn't crushed my being completely)I hit the editing thing, hard. 
 Then off to the critters. 
All I can offer, is more of that heartfelt thanks for hanging with me. 

I will put this book out...and winter will end. 



  1. Oh, Bleuame.
    I guess the knowing why that something isn't coming yet, doesn't help...
    I am sorry that you still feel lonely. Winter will come to an end soon! It seems (for me anyways) that everything is just a little bit better when winter comes to a close.

    You may feel alone in your solitude, but you aren't. Lonely perhaps, but not truly alone.

  2. Winter will end, it is inevitable, just like the waiting, the loneliness, and the book, it will all come to an end and there will be good things to write about. Just hang in there.

    Can I give you blue hugs or can only you do that? Oh what the heck... *lots of hugs of blue*

  3. (((Hugs))) Bleuame, I am sorry you are still feeling lonely. Lil is right. Lonely, but not truly alone. I totally understand wanting it now, patience is definitely not a virtue of mine!

    Hang in there ... and stay warm!

  4. I can be surrounded by people - people i really like - and still feel a loneliness if I'm no feeling him, all of him, in every way. That sounds like what you're saying? Maybe? I don't know - but yes - waiting is so hard, but what you long for will come, and Spring too.


Thank-you for reading.