Misty, over at A Submission to Submissiveness, asked “Why did you disagree with my statement about it being okay to want but not to expect?”
She was referring to this post of hers, and where I said, I disagreed with her when she said, “because it's okay to want things but it's not okay to expect them.”
I disagree, because in my opinion, wanting things and not expecting them is kind of bleak.
I also disagree because so often, you see all the expectations placed on the submissive and few placed on the Dominant.
And in my opinion, that doesn't make a healthy, happy relationship.
There is a lot of give and take involved with this D/s thing.
I want a roof over my head. I expect Master to be the provider.
I have that want and that expectation that the want will be fulfilled in that way, because that is what we have agreed to.
I may want to be flogged. I expect Master to acknowledge that want and flog me.
Because it is important to him, that when I want something I tell him and he expects that I do.
Expectations are the vehicle which brings fulfillment to our wants.
Now, just like the Universe, it doesn't mean that I get to call the time, the place, the how or when of my expectations—or of my wants being fulfilled-that would be demanding, but I do get to have expectations.
Otherwise, the wants are hollow and you are left wanting. I don't see that as being a good place to linger.
Personally, I want to come to the table with expectations.
Expectations that life will go well and we're going to have fun with all of this, expectations that we are both going to do our very best and give our best efforts to making our goals happen. Expectations, that Master will act with my best interests and all of this can lead back to what I want in this partnership and what he wants from it as well.
If I expect him to act with my best interests, if I expect that he will look after my needs, if I expect that he is going to be on the same page as me, in terms of long term goals, then that adds up, to expecting the best from him as I'm sure, he expects my best from me.
I hope I am choosing the right words here, to express my humble opinion adequately.